I know the world isn’t going to end in 2015 cuz my yogurt expires in 2016!

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?


X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kickboxing. X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house. People say that love is in every corner……gosh!

Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons. Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police. Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate. Statistically, 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions. Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts.

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary. Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced. People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.

You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take. Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret.

I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?

Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free. Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips. X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice. Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrehea…does that mean one person enjoys it?

Your make-up looks so pretty:) lol jk it looks like a crayola raped your face!!!

My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.

I love how justin bieber can hit high notes but not puberty!

Got into a fight with my alarm clock this morning it wanted me to wake up i disagreed now the alarms broken and im wide awake…not sure who won. A kid got bad marks in his test, he showed his test to his mom. One day a chicken crossed the road and met james bond and said whats your name??

Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!

A smart man tells a girl she looks preety when her mouth is closed. Who ever says words can’t hurt you has never got hit in the face with a dictionary!

Thenn its was like i wasted 10mins reading this lololol?!???



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Make fun of someone you know personally not someone who’s famous and you have never met.

I don’t really like his music, but it’s mean to make fun of him.

I will go into town and buy the bull then ill send a telegram so you can come help me bring it back. A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. It dont matter i already slept with 3 of your friendss!

Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart. Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.

Doll Facebook Cover

Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment?

I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

I went away and came back with a cup of water….. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about. There’s some funny ones in there, that’s for sure!

Your prolly a lil bitch who thinks your cooler than everyone. Please, just let me wear this hot pink lipstick?

150+ Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates

I am telling all you fans, you need to get some common sense!!!

I like these jokes and if you don’t then why in the hell are you here!!?!?

I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site checklist and can be checking again soon. Pls check out my web site as properly and let me know what you think. And people who keep saying all blondes are dumb need to stop being so hypocritical, really it just means you have no life, well that your not liveing it to the fullest anyway. Ahaha dont u just live how my name and my comment coincide?

When one is being smothered with a pillow, they are suffocating, not drowning. If you pull a fish backwards by it’s tale it drowns. Drowning is suffocation due to water or other fluid. The one he loves, hates, and can’t live without. And in the end, they’re all the same girl.Without knowledge, you’re just an animal. English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb, idk, lol). And plus he just matured and his voice got deeper.

You can go ahead and play with yourself too, because with that kind of comment, your not getting a girl in your bed anytime soon. Usually the idiots are the brunnettes that dye their hair blonde.

I am soooooooo jealous of a fugly, self-centered boy who uses voice auditors.

Iris Goo Goo Dolls (Kina Grannis) | Chill


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If you see us without an erection, make us a sandwich!

I dont think he’s gay, dont be mad cuz he lookes better than you ever will.

I can just see you now…35 years old, 135 cats, and 335 lbs. They weren’t talking about anyone in wheel chairs. Go rent a brain cell and read the joke again. So, don’t worry about it and don’t call other people names unless you learn how to spell. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except for a punch in the face. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Vous aurez bien souvent l’impression qu’ailleurs et plus tard sont infiniment préférables à ici et maintenant.

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